I recently finished reading this book called The Invisible Thread by Laura Schroff and Alex Tresniowski. I would highly recommend this book for those of you who are interested in Biographies.

The book is about a homeless boy and a stranger who made more of an impact on his life than anyone had done before. While reading this book it made me think about friendship.  How I could be a better friend and how friendship should be cherished. Friendship is rare like a diamond. If you find a good one  keep them tight.

I thought about the people and friends I have made along the way in my own life. Some have been by my side since Kindergarten. Others I met in college, working different jobs, and  while traveling. It’s crazy to think how much a friend can impact your life. I’m sure you can think of a few and all the memories that you have made together.

Friendship is a wonderful bond to have with someone. You tell your secrets, talk about things you normally wouldn’t with the typical acquaintance. You laugh about your inside jokes, and tell each other your opinions whether it hurts or not. After all  someone needs to tell the truth on whether you look hideous or fat in that dress, and I would rather it be me than a stranger. The truth is hard to accept sometimes. There are also times where the truth is not appreciated.  Those are the times when your friendship will truly be tested.

While reading The Invisible Thread I thought about the first time I met my friend Jessa.

She pulled up outside my house and had on big sunglasses. She was there to talk to my grandma. She had been assigned to work with my family through a company call Five Brothers. Five Brothers was a company that intervened before the children were removed and placed into foster care. It was to try to  reform the family situation before it ended up any worse. In the beginning we would go on trips with Jessa. Sometimes it was to the local pool to have a picnic and swim. She was always good about packing a bunch of snacks for us to have. I can hear her voice in my head now.  “Now remember when you ask for something you say please, and when you get something you say thank you.” These are the little things that stuck out. I had said please and thank you before, but it wasn’t on a daily basis. I caught on fast and rarely forgot to say it with her. Other times we would go on the trail and walk or to the park. The big trips consisted of camping and going to Seneca Rocks. These were the best trips of our lives, because we had never went on family vacation before. There wasn’t ever enough money to go anywhere with seven kids. We had a fire, roasted hot dogs,  ate chips, and of course made s’mores. I would always daydream in the car on the way back.  While wishing I was able to do these type of things all the time I told myself that someday I would.

Jessa had been working with my family for a year and then stopped. She still made a point to check on me and call me to see how I was doing. She offered to take me places with her still, and this made me really joyful. I couldn’t wait for her to pick me up to go on our next adventure. We went to her family’s farm and rode four wheelers, went fishing, had dinner. Sometimes we would take road trips to see her friends.

 

I can remember Jessa took me to a restaurant when I was 13 or 14. I didn’t tell her, but I had never placed an order in a restaurant in my life. We went to McDonald’s or Burger King if we had the money when I was growing up. We go to Outback and we are sitting at the table. The server comes over and hands us a menu. I look it over really well, but I can’t help but to notice the prices. She notices me looking and says “Get whatever you want.” The server comes back and says “May I take your order?” She says “Are you ready Lill?” I shook my head no, because I really had no idea what I was doing. She read off some of the options, and finally I just said “I’ll have chicken tenders.” She looked at me and said “You want chicken tenders from a steak restaurant?” I said “Sure.” She paused and then eventually said “Okay then if that’s what you really want.” So she had a steak, and I had chicken tenders. Boy was that a good meal.

Jessa had taken me to other places to eat, and each time I ordered chicken tenders. She eventually asked me why I always ordered chicken tenders and never tried anything new. I had to think about it for a minute, because I really didn’t know why. All I knew was that I liked chicken. I had thought about trying something new, but didn’t want money to be wasted if I didn’t like it.  I also didn’t know how to order anything , and would get choked up every time and freeze. Then came the time when she took me to eat. She said “You can have anything you want as long as you don’t order chicken tenders.” I found something else to try and she practiced ordering with me. Jessa had been a server at many different places so she was the perfect person to teach me. I finally was able to order , and would try new things. Surprisingly there wasn’t much that I didn’t like. I can remember her saying ” Now Lill make sure you ask questions if you’re not sure about something.” “Is that Spicy?” “What do you recommend?” “Can you leave the onions off?” She gave all these examples of different questions that people ask. She then said ” If you want something a certain way you have to ask for it.” This was one of the many times I found out there were choices I could make.I am so grateful she taught me how to order when I go out to eat. I still love going to new places and trying new foods.

This was just one of many  obstacles that Jessa helped me get over in my life. I could honestly write a book on the path of our friendship. As time went on Jessa’s family became my family as well. They welcomed me with open arms and gave me the things I needed. I celebrated the holidays with them, went on trips, stayed with them, and moved in with her parents for one summer while I was working two jobs and going to summer school. Combined they taught me how to speak up for myself to help get what I wanted. They taught me not to be a doormat, because you’ll get walked on every time. They encouraged me to do my best , and pushed me when I needed a kick in the ass. I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am for all they have helped me though. Writing this I have to admit I am tearing up. I just see where I used to be and how far I’ve came. I have a backbone and make choices on my own without the influence of others.

There was a time where she still did things for me, but I didn’t seem to appreciate them as much. I caught myself not using my manners and turning her thoughtfulness into something that was expected. I think we all do this at times not just  to friends, but with people, and relationships in general. We take things that were once given freely and turn them into expectations. It wasn’t until Jessa pointed out how she felt that I had even noticed what I was doing. It was true I had taken the little  things for granted.

While reading the Invisible thread I came across a lot that reminded me of myself. I may not have been homeless, but I wasn’t going to make it out of poverty without someones help.  I wondered what Jessa had been thinking when she would drop me off at my house. I never wanted to go home from her trips. I always had so much fun, and learned new things.  I would go home and day-dream about the next place we were going. I wondered if it was doing more harm than good. Having expectations for things that may never come true. Everything she said she would do for me was true though.

While hanging out with Jessa I would see things she did, the way she interacted with people, and how she would speak her mind. I wanted to come out of my shell. That’s just what I did. I would go to festivals and meet new people. I would talk to her friends and ask them questions. They would be interested in finding out more about me,  so I learned to open up. This took a lot of patience and time.

We would go on car rides to talk and just hang out. I would talk to Jessa about things she had been through and tell her what I had been through. One day she asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I sat and thought to myself, and then replied with “I don’t know.” She looked at me and said “Well haven’t you thought about that?” Don’t you want out of the area you are living?” Jessa had traveled all over the world, and was fortunate to see so many things from different perspectives. I wanted to be able to do the same things. I wanted to see the world and all that was out there. Then is was back to reality. I was from a low-income family. We didn’t have a car to go anywhere, we lived month to month with no extra to spare. What were the chances that I would ever make it out?

Jessa would always push me and tell me. Work hard and do your best in school. Don’t worry about what people say to you, because in fives years it won’t matter anyways. Do what you have to do for yourself. You have to make yourself happy. Don’t worry about what everyone else says. Not worrying about everyone else was what I was caught on. I had always been the one to help hold things together. I worried what may happen to my siblings if I wasn’t around. I worried for my grandparents and their health. I worried for myself and the things that I may not be able to overcome. No matter what I said Jessa always saw the bigger picture, and would tell me things would be alright. I was a strong individual who had became resilient.

So I graduated high school in 2008. It was a long road of change and acceptance going through foster care, but it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I gained so much confidence, I had a positive outlook, I participated in sports, and had people who cared about me. After graduation Jessa and her friend Jonni that I had became friends with took me to Puerto Rico. I couldn’t believe it. I had hardly been out of West Virgina. I had never flown on a plane before. We went and tried new things, laid on the white sand, watched the sunset each evening, went shopping and of course tried new food. It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. I was so thankful to be able to go.

Jessa was looking for what she wanted to do with her life, but social work is a very demanding, stressful, and emotional job. I am thankful that she took the time out of her life to help me along the way. I think she found pieces of herself along the way, and learned things from me as well. I learned a lot from her and use it to guide me through the never-ending obstacles I face in life. We may not talk every day now, but we still keep in touch.

That was just a small picture of where I was going to go with my life. I then went to college. It’s true the friends that you meet at college will be some of the greatest friends in your life. Even though we have graduated and went different ways we still keep in touch. You see with friendship distance doesn’t really change the way things are between you. You just don’t have the opportunity to see each other everyday like you used to. I call people and pick up like I just saw them yesterday. That’s the best part. We don’t forget about each other. I can say I have been blessed with a lot of great friends in my life. Your friends become your family that’s best part.

Granted Friends don’t always see eye to eye it’s the bigger picture that matters. Is it going to matter five years from now? They may hurt your feelings, but be the bigger person. When I think about the fights I have had with people in the past ,I realize I  didn’t really consider all aspects of the other persons life. What were they going through that caused them to act out in that matter? Did they have something on their mind? Could I have reacted differently?  Like I said before it’s the bigger picture that matters. Keep in touch throughout your life, and make visits when you can. Ask how they are doing on a random day. These days it’s pretty easy to stay in some sort of contact through all the social media that’s available.

If I had to give advice on friendship I would say, keep an open heart. Treat your friends the way that you want them to treat you. Try to look at the bigger picture. Watch what you say, because words are so harsh and can leave scars just as a wound would. Keep in touch even if it isn’t everyday. Don’t take advantage of people. We tend to turn the things that are given to us so freely into expectations. Don’t expect people to do things for you. If you want something bad enough do it yourself. Don’t do something to expect praise in return. Do things out of the goodness of your heart. Be nice, but know when being nice is enough. You can’t be a doormat. People will walk over you every time, and I will guarantee that.

I have learned a multitude of things in my twenty-four years of age, but I will share one thing that I feel is very important. As you grow up there is so much pressure to figure out who you are and what you want to be out of life. I was careless about looks in grade school. I can’t tell you that I really cared what I wore, or what I looked like. Middle school  came and some of my friends moved on to other people. Everyone was just trying to fit in. I still didn’t care about dressing up or wearing make up. High school came and everyone began to stick to their cliques. Everyday you hung out with the same people, you sat in the same seats in class, you sat in the same spot in the cafeteria. You graduate high school and they tell you this is the last time you will ever see your whole graduating class in one room. Wasn’t that the truth. Everyone has gone their separate ways. Most are starting to settle down, buying houses, moving, having kids, and starting a new part of life for themselves. College came I went and met all new friends, and that’s not an exaggeration. No one from my graduating class went to West Liberty. Thankfully I randomly was paired with a great roommate and lived with her all 5 years. I graduated college, and met some of the greatest friends I have. I traveled to South Korea , and since being here I have had a lot of thinking time. I also came to South Korea on my own and have had to make all new friends. The people in South Korea are all very friendly and helpful. I have been fortunate enough to meet some great foreign friends. Even though I have only been here eight months I feel as if I have known these people for a lifetime. Take your time in figuring out who you are. Take time to figure out who others are too. They may be one of the best people you have ever met.

I have also realized that you’re not obligated to be anyones friend. Everyone that I’ve met have come to Korea on different terms. Some have ran to find themselves while others are running from something. It all seems to intertwine. Some choose to travel to get the experience, but while abroad learn more about themselves than they have ever know before. Regardless of where you go in life you are always find people you don’t agree with , people you don’t like, or the ones you can’t stand. I’m sure there will be people who feel that way about you too. Like I stated before you’re not obligated to be their friend. Of course try to be nice, but if it affects you in a negative manner let it go. It’s not worth your time or theirs. If they are meant to be in your life they will be.

Friendship can be a real struggle at times, just like other relationships in life but your true friends will always find a way, shape, or form to stay in your life.

I’ve been working on this blog about friendship for a while now. After making several revisions I still kept thinking of things to add. I often ponder about the good qualities my friends have. Not only do they possess good qualities, they rub those qualities off on others as well as myself.

As Thanksgiving recently passed, and I spent it away from friends and family back home I thought about how much they meant to me. I thought about the trails and tribulations I have overcome, and have to say they were made easier with friends by my side.

I had dinner on Thanksgiving with some friends I have made while coming to Korea. We all went around to say what we are thankful for. I said I was thankful for having positive influences in my life. When you meet people you never know what they have been through or what they are going through at the present moment. Talk to them you never know what impact you may have on someone. They could also have a very big impact on you as well.

Friendship is a very powerful thing. Use it to enhance your life and the lives of others.

An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, and circumstance.  The thread may stretch or tangle. But will never break. – Ancient Chinese Proverb