Every time I write I usually start by scratching some stuff on a piece of paper then bringing it all together when I type. An option that was brought up some time ago has surfaced again. Shortly after Christmas 2014 the option of adult adoption was brought to my attention by Susan. Susan adopted my little sister Mikki when she was around ten years old. My sister is 16 now and Susan has done everything in her power to show my sister a well lived life.

At first I thought “Why would anyone want to adopt an adult?”  I’m of age and don’t really need a legal guardian. I then thought about the possibility of losing my independence.I have always been very strong willed and independent when it comes to caring for myself. It also crossed my mind as in someone who may want “power” over me, but that isn’t the case at all. Since Susan had adopted Mikki I had formed a bond with her and kept in contact about Mikki.

Susan invited me with open arms, and cared for me just as she did my sister. I would stay with them in the summer when I wasn’t working. I have always been close to Mikki, because I cared and looked after her since she was born. Mikki has been blessed with Susan and all she does for her.

One time I asked Susan why she adopted Mikki and her response was ” I have three boys and always knew one day I would have a girl.” “I wanted a girl who was young enough to hate me before she loved me.” That is the exact phase that she got with Mikki too. Mikki was just a strong willed little girl who always wanted her way. (still is) haha. Mikki had mixed emotions going through the process, but over time she got to know Susan. The two of them traveled all over together to the Dominican Republic, Disney, Punta Canta, to musicals, plays, and many more places. Susan has gave Mikki so many opportunities to show her a great life.

Two years ago I went to spend Thanksgiving with Susans and now Mikkis family. I was overwhelmed with how welcome they made me feel. This was the first time I had met some of them. We all had a great meal together and spent the weekend relaxing. The next day we all went to a museum in Pittsburgh and out to eat before I headed back to Wheeling. That was the first time in five years that I had spent Thanksgiving with my sister. It felt good to spend time together and feel naturally welcome. It was the first Thanksgiving in a long time that I felt joyful. Holidays tend to be a little rough, because I have always just traveled from place to place staying overnight with different people over the Thanksgiving break. It’s nice to see several people over the break but who wants to spend the whole break driving all over the world. That’s not an idea of a relaxing break if you ask me.

This year I came home from Korea in March and Susan welcomed me into her home with open arms. I got back and she had already been shopping for some clothes for me knowing I had to get rid of most of my things in Korea when I left so unexpectedly. It was so nice to come home to. While getting adjusted I got my car up and running, took some time to get things sorted, and went back to working two jobs. During the time that I have stayed here she has been nothing but helpful and supportive.

We have had up’s and downs, a lot of life talks, been happy, disappointed, and mad at times, but I am forever grateful for what she has done for me the last year and a half. The care packages that were sent, the cards, birthday gifts, and a room to come home to when it was all over.

Life has been different in a lot of ways since returning home. When I was thinking of the adult adoption option I began to ask myself “why not?” It’s not very often that someone wants to stay in your life to that extent. There aren’t many people that would offer that to a grown adult. The adoption is just a small piece of it. It’s the meaning behind it that’s important. It’s to solidify a family life. It’s to put a constant mean of support in my life in all aspects, it’s someone who shows you unconditional love no matter what the circumstances may be. It’s someone to support the choices I make. It’s someone I can trust in, It’s someone who will be there. While many people come to mind when I say all these things I feel really blessed. Blessed to have so many people look after me. Blessed to have been put on the right paths along the way. Blessed that those people believed in me and had faith that I would create something better for myself. Without the hope and encouragement of those who have helped me along the way I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t want more for myself, and I wouldn’t be traveling clear across the world by myself I can guarantee you that much. You have all helped me believe that I was able to over come what most would see impossible.

I recently read the book A Walk to Beautiful by Jimmy Wayne. If you are looking for a great read pick this one!  I related to this book on multiple levels. The facts he was in foster care, lived with several people, and found his way. The nights he was hungry and ate Yellow mustard and bread. I had previously wrote a blog about eating the exact same thing growing up and how when your hungry anything taste good. He did a walk to promote the children in foster care. The walk was called Meet Me Halfway. The meaning behind it was for children who were aging out of foster care. At Age 18  children who had remained in foster care up  until that time age out. That means there is no support from the government for them, no insurance available, and no assistance in setting up a place to go. The walk was to promote people meeting these children half way, and helping them realize that they can make something out of themselves. Because of Jimmy Wayne’s walk he was about to get the word out about foster youth who age out. He was able to get the laws changed. Now foster youth can receive support clear up till the age of 21.

It could be giving them a place to stay, providing a meal, taking them to an event, meeting with them every so often, and most importantly help them stay on the right path. I think of the teachers I’ve had who took time to give me the extra help. The ones who took me home and fed me at their house. The friends who’s families took me in as their own. The close people who have taken me in when I had no where else to go. The ones who made my holidays cheerful. The ones who wrote me letters. The ones who came to visit me.  The people I have met along the way traveling who shared their joys and struggles. All of you have met me half way in some way or another even though it may not have been psychically.

The walk Meet Me Halfway was to show that those children that had turned 18 and aged out were still in fact children. Regardless of how tough they seemed or how independent they tried to be they are still children that need help and guidance along the way. They need support that everyone needs physically, mentally, spiritually , and emotionally. I needed that help along the way and I received it from friends, family, my foster parents and their family, teachers, co workers, and even strangers. People cross paths for a reason, season, or lifetime so they say…

I was actually surprised by peoples reactions when I told them I was adopted . This was not something I discussed with hardly anyone really. It was something personal as it should have been. It wasn’t really something that I wanted to open up for daily discussion and debate. It was a choice that was to be made and I made it. After all I am a 25 year old adult. How many adults do you know that put choices  up for debate or discussion.. Okay bad example these days I can read your diary on Facebook and go on a “rant” to tell the whole world what I think. .. But anyways serious decisions that are to be made are rarely open for debate. Who wouldn’t want a home to call their own? Who wouldn’t want that sense of security? If you can think of someone who wouldn’t want that I’d like to hear about it. I don’t see those of you that have helped me any differently. It’s not about how long you have known someone or how much you have done for them. It shouldn’t ignite the feeling of guilt or jealousy. There is nothing to feel guilty or jealous about. Life is life there is nothing you can do to change it you just have to accept it as it comes. How everyone has helped me along the way is more than I could ever ask for.It’s the big picture that matters.

So the adoption was made official on September 22nd. That morning I had got up and dressed up with my sister Mikki. The three of us went to the court house, met with the lawyer, and then with the judge. I couldn’t help but to feel anxious. I couldn’t help but to feel happy and overwhelmed at the same time. I couldn’t help to wonder about other peoples opinions once word got out. But I guess everyone is going to have an opinion regardless of what you do it life. The judge signed the papers and it was a fairly quick process . My name didn’t change because I was leaving to travel soon and the documents wouldn’t have been back in time. Plus my name isn’t what mattered after all. I couldn’t have been made to feel more wanted that day and all the other days in between. It’s something I will never forget.

This story reminds me of a young man that I had the pleasure of meeting when I moved back from Korea. We will call him TJ for identity purposes. He has had a very rough life and was in a youth shelter in Clarksburg. His mother passed away from Huntington Disease. His Father is still alive but had gave up parental rights. He was raised by his grandparents and then his grandmother passed away; While his grandfather developed Alzheimers and could no longer care for him. From there TJ was moved to his aunts and uncles house. He later got in a fight at school and they could no longer keep him. So they sent him back to West Virginia to live in the genesis group home. He had requested to come to church to meet new people and get out of the shelter some. So the church had someone bring him. I don’t go to church every Sunday, but when I would go I would see him sitting towards the front if not along the front row. He was very attentive and never disruptive. He sat and listened, he sang, and he was always very polite. He would come to our friend Arlene’s on the weekends to stay there. She would get permission for her and her husband Larry to sign him out for a couple days and stay with them. This became habit nearly every weekend. Arlene taught at the same school TJ attended. He came to Arlene’s for dinner on Sundays after church, and he had his birthday at her house. On his birthday everyone gave him presents and gift cards to go to the mall and buy new clothes. The shelter didn’t provide the kids with the latest fashion and he was into having nice clothes. So Arlene took him to the mall to spend his birthday money and he was so happy. He spent every dollar. This young man loved Arlene and looked forward to coming to her house every weekend. He loved getting to go to the movies and doing new things. Arlene and Larry chose to take TJ in without receiving any income. They wanted to give him new experiences and show him that there are positive things to look forward to.The youth shelter only holds kids for a short length of time. Then they must be moved to a different location or put with a family permanently. He asked Arlene if she would keep him or else he would be moved again. Arlene and Larry couldn’t keep him at this point of her life so he was moved 4 hours away to a different group home. This broke my heart. There are so many kids that are looking to be “kept” in a variety of ways. Since then we have heard from him and he is doing really well. He will remain in the group home until he turns 18 and ages out. TJ was able to experience going new places and seeing new things with Arlene and Larry. He was able to see that there is so much more out there that what he has been exposed to in his past. It’s the experience and the impact that makes such a huge difference in so many lives that are looking to be kept; Even if it’s just for a little while.

Jimmy Wayne talks about children in foster care always looking for a way to please others; and always looking for ways to please or satisfy. They are wanting to be liked and possibly be kept. This is sad but true. It makes me think of when I came home and I had lied to Susan about things. Deep down I knew I had to tell her the truth. I have such a horrible guilty conscious. This was before the adoption became official. At 25 years of age I was still thinking about the possibility of her possibly changing her mind and not wanting me. This is a sad reality for so many foster youth. I ended up telling her the truth, and like any parent would be she was disappointed. It took time but everything blew over and not wanting me was never an option in her mind. As a parent you love unconditionally. This has been a story of unconditional love that continues to grow.

I know a lot of people can’t relate to the feeling of wanting a forever home if they have never been in that situation, but if you just meet them halfway or even part of the way  it helps tremendously.

Thank You all for giving me the chance and meeting me halfway or along the way when you did. It has truly made me who I am. It has helped me to learn to accept the past and learn from it rather than block it out. Meeting me halfway has forever changed my life.

To Susan, Thank you for loving me for who I am. Thank you for taking such good care of Mikki and I. Thank You for not worrying what people may say. Thank You for always meeting me halfway.  Love, Lill