I have recently  found a new hatred towards ants considering I can’t manage to get rid of them in my apartment. I spent the night with one of my Thai co workers, and took my camera to shoot some photos in a new environment.

She showed me around her house and showed me how to cook some Thai food. We were picking some of the ingredients from her back yard and she pointed out what happened to be a large ant pile.. and said “look take photo it’s an ants world.”

The photo I captured.

I began to watch the ants scurry and drag little pieces of crumbs or dirt back to the nest. It brought back memories from the movie Honey I Shrunk the Kids… You know back in the good ole’ 90’s

At that moment I started to have some sympathy towards the ants and wondered how the world is perceived from an ants point of view.

Literally 2 minutes later I am standing in the front yard and feel stinging on my feet…. it was the damn ants and they had began to bite my feet and up my legs! Apparently they had no sympathy for me.

An ants world.

One of the things that crosses my mind often is friends. I have always had a lot of friends, and have been able to get along with nearly anyone. It seems as you get older friends change. People change for a variety of reasons, but why do you lose touch? Why is it that people quit making the same effort as they used to?

When I went to college I barely had anyone come visit me that I knew or that I used to go to school with. I made all new friends and started finding myself. Then I left to go to South Korea. Again not knowing a single person. While I was away I was shocked by some of the people who reached out and kept in touch. I was also shocked by the ones who didn’t.

While Facebook, Skype, Facetime, and other apps are available to use it seems like people could just care less sometimes. Yes, I was thousands of miles away, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t want to hear from people.

Then I come home and it amazes me the effort that people put in to get in touch with me. Sadly I have went to everyone that I have seen since being home. While it’s great to see people and catch up; it also makes me sad that no one makes the same effort.

I tend to make people a priority in my life, but rarely do I feel like a priority to others. Maybe it comes with age that people feel this way. Maybe I have changed. I’m not sure what it is, but it is tiring always going place to place on my days off. I don’t want to always travel two, three, or four hours to see people for a day and drive back the next. Hell if I don’t have at least  two days in a row off it’s not even worth the drive for a few hours.

Why does it seem like no one even cares anymore. I’ve come to realize that no one is ever ” too busy”, you just aren’t a priority in their life at that time. You can tell when people make time to see you, or make an effort to meet you somewhere. You can tell when people are truly concerned. You can tell when someone cares enough to take some time out of their day to see you. Take the time to let people know you care, ask people how they are doing, and visit people when you can.

I’m currently planning a backpack trip Europe and then I will go to Thailand from there to take my English as a second language certification class. When discussing this choice with people there are often mixed reactions.

1.) OH MY GOSH! ARE YOU GOING TO BE SAFE?

2.) WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY !( While looking at me like I’m literally crazy and the whole idea is absurd)

3.) WOW WHAT A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE! How long will yo be gone? =D

I kid you not those are the top three responses that I get, usually in that order if there are multiple questions to follow.

Okay I get people are worried, but who are we kidding here. People are going to be people no matter where you go. The Brady bunch neighbors could have a serial killer amongst them …who knows! I am taking the chances of being safe and not being safe no matter where I am.

When it comes to being crazy .. No I am not diagnosed as being crazy …Yes I like to travel, have fun, and try new things. If I can travel,get certified along the way ,take an online class here and there and still work I’ve got it made.  Why is it so absurd to want to go to a different country? I could very easily respond with WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY FOR WANTING TO STAY HERE? We all have our limits I suppose.

The timing of how long I will be gone is unsure at the moment. I will go to Thailand and I will make the most of my time there. If I like it then I will pursue a different route. If not then I will figure out my next direction to turn to. Not everything has to be planned out and to be honest I would prefer it not to be.

When is the last time you did something for the first time? Think about it and let me know. I would love to hear some of your first time experiences.

This past week I was at the beach with my sister and we had a lot of time to bond together as we played on the beach, swam in the pool, and went out to explore the area together.

In the time we spent bonding we talked about an abundance of things such as; life, boys, the past, the present etc. One of the topics that was brought up was relationships. She asked why I hadn’t committed to anyone or something along those lines. I thought about it for a minute and responded with ” I don’t want something that is just mediocre. I don’t want someone who is going to buy me a lot of “things”, because I can by myself the things that I want. I don’t want someone to just be comfortable. I do how ever want someone who gives me their time, and puts forth effort to show that they care. I want someone who is willing to see things from different points of views. I want someone who is open to traveling the world without planning every little thing out. I want to be loved for who I am, and not by what I give.  That seems like a lot of “I wants” now that I read back on it but it’s so true. Why settle for something Mediocre?

I am 25 and my sister is 16 (even though she acts 30). We have a very good relationship and talk about pretty much anything. Since I have moved back from Korea and lived with her and Susan we have all had a lot of time together. I laid on the beach and thought about how fortunate we both were to be were we are today. looking at my sister from afar on the beach I felt a sense of being so proud. Proud that she is who she is, proud of what she has overcome, and proud to be a positive influence in her life.

I found myself getting overwhelming feelings of sadness on this beach trip as I thought about my past . Certain things trigger past memories. Whether or not that will ever go away I am not quite sure, but maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe it’s what will keep me level-headed. On one occasion I was walking through the gift shops picking stuff up and looking at them; and it took me back to the time I was with one of my friends on their summer vacation. I was looking through the gift shop and picking things up her mom had tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear. “Do not touch the things on the shelf or you will have to buy them if you break them.” I then kept my hands clasped behind my back, because I couldn’t afford it for one and two I wasn’t sent with any money to spend anyways.  As I have said before. You are so naive as a child and then you get older and the things you go through start to all come together. I was sent with my friends without any money. I borrowed her clothes when we went places and they treated me like one of their own. I will forever be grateful for good friends.

I walked through the gift shop at the beach and saw salt water taffy. I can remember my mom loving salt water taffy. So that instantly made me feel sad. It’s so weird how things change when people aren’t living anymore. I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels weird about things like that.

We bought grapes to eat and I was like “Oh mom would always tear a bundle off and say “hey you want a tree?”  I reminisced on the times she would always say “Someday we are going to save enough money to take a summer vacation to the beach.” Unfortunately we never did, but I am glad I had the opportunities to go with other people.

I went to stay at the  beach when I was in college for my first time. I can remember being terrified to go in the ocean. The unknown feeling of what may happen is pretty scary. I went in and eventually got used to it. That feeling of being so scared of the waves often pops in my head each time I go to the beach. This Year the shark warnings were out from all the people getting bit by sharks. The same sense of fear was in me the first day we were there, but by day two and three my sister taught me how to dive through the waves. I thought to myself. “I can’t believe I am 25 and have never tried diving through a wave….I guess there’s a first time for everything. It was fun to say the least.

I sat on the beach and watched the waves crash in and out. I watched as the tide came in. I watched all the people walking by and thought “Isn’t is amazing that so many people in the world take a vacation to the beach to relax?”What makes it so magnificent? The warm sand between your toes? The sound of the ocean? The atmosphere all together? It’s amazing how water and sand can attract so many people… Maybe my head is just in the clouds.. Either way the beach is my favorite place to be.

I am so thankful I had the opportunity to go to the beach with my sister. The memories that were made will never be forgotten and I will continue to eat “little trees” and share memories from my past. After all they are what made me who I am today.

What about you? What is your favorite part of the beach?

I run from the demons that I carry close by.

I run from the pain that is so hard to hide.

I run to make me feel alive.

I run to find me.

I run to free my mind from the cluster inside.

I run and think about all the things I want in life.

I run to relieve all the strife.

I run to find me.

I run to mask the fears I have.

I run to force myself to laugh.

I run so I can see the clear blue sky.

I run to find me.

When running I feel like I am free.

Free without a care in the world.

Free from all the must do’s in life.

I run to find me.

I run when the world seems to be falling apart.

I run when I need a fresh start.

I run to find me.

I run from everything I fear I’ll become.

I run when I am feeling numb.

I run to find me.

I run because I am not sure where I want to settle down.

I run at night when it’s a ghost town.

I run to see the world from a different point of view.

I run to stay tried and true.

I run to find me.

I run to see what is yet to unfold.

I run to feel like I am in control.

I run with all my heart and soul.

I run to find me.

All through out your life you hear Stranger Danger! Don’t talk to strangers! Don’t take candy from strangers!

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I know it’s one thing to be cautious of your children, but I think in ways it’s carried out too far. Why wouldn’t you tell a stranger hello? Why wouldn’t you approach them to ask a question? The whole fear of strangers limits you in conversation, and in fact can make things very awkward if approached. Fortunately I have learned to say hello, nod, or wave when people go past. I found this case of strangers to first come up when I went to college. I was moving in. going up and down people in the stair well. I would go past them, say hello, smile, and they would look at me like the stranger I was.

This was quiet a common occurrence, because people simply did not just say hello. I just continued to do it anyways. Sometimes they would look at me like I was the biggest creeper ever. That was the first time I had seen any of these people. As time went on and we lived in the dorm; everyone was aquainted and got to know each other. Saying hi didn’t seem so weird anymore. But why does it have to be weird? To start a conversation with a complete stranger? Maybe it’s because I am a little more out going than others. Maybe it’s because the way people see you. Who knows.

I was driving the other day and I saw a lady walking down the side of the road. She appeared to be struggling with the bags she was carrying. So I debated do I pick her up or do I just keep going? I kept going for about a hundred yards and pulled over. I thought to myself and about all the harm going on in the world. All the horrid stories of things happening to strangers picking up hitch hikers.

Then I turned around. I wanted to help this lady and if that meant just giving her a ride then that’s what I would do. She wasn’t looking to get a ride, but I figured I would offer one.

So I turned around and went back to where she was. She had sat down on the side of the guardrail and took a break. I pulled over and yelled “Hey mam! Would you like a ride?” She looked at me for a few seconds and slowly got up. She came over to the door and said “Why do you want to give me a ride?” I was dumb founded at first. I was curious as to why she just didn’t get in the car.

I replied ” Well looks like your struggling to carry those bags I just figured I would offer some help.” She nodded  her head and opened the door. She proceeded to tell me her name was Mary and she was coming from work and headed back to the bus stop. This would have taken her over an hour to walk to if I didn’t pick her up. She said ” Well I sure do appreciate you picking me up, but you should be careful. Don’t just pick up anyone. Which is true you never know .

She asked where I was going and we talked about her day . I could tell she struggled in life so I was glad I had turned back around to help her. Maybe I am just too naïve to care. Whatever it may be I was placed there at that time for a reason.

A few weeks ago I was at the mall trying to switch over my phone. While waiting I went to sit on a bench. This older man called me over by saying “Hey Girl! Come over here!” I walked over and sat down beside him. He told me his name was Archie and said “look here.” He had upgraded his cell phone. Then proceeded to tell me he didn’t know anything about it besides how to answer it. He was just as happy as a jay bird sitting there.

It was Mothers Day, and this year was my first year without my mom. It was  a weird feeling. Yeah there are people who are like moms to call and tell Happy Mothers Day too, but it still isn’t the same feeling. When I started talking to Archie I was wondering what his life was about. He had a neck brace on and told me he broke it in his garage at his house. He proceeded to tell me he had a hospital bed that helped him sit up and lay down in the evening and that it was right beside his wife’s hospital bed.

Archie’s wife passed away 6 years ago, but he talked like he was just as in love as before. He told me when they were married her mother went with them to the church. I didn’t understand why anyone had to be with them, but he told me it was in fear that they would have sex before marriage. We talked about had the times have changed and people rarely wait till marriage anymore. Archie said his friends told him to just get a  new girl. He said he could get a new girl and that would probably be alright, but he would never love her the same way. Some may think this was weird for someone to talk about, but I saw it as an awesome love story. I talked to Archie for nearly an hour and a half. I left to go to work and he assured me he would probably see me again sometime. I said ” Do you come here every Saturday Archie?” His reply was “No I come here almost everyday and go to the cookie shop and talk to my friends.” This was Archie’s way of communicating with people, and he seemed to be very comfortable with that. Everyone goes through loss and deals with things in different ways. I needed Archie on that day to talk about the never ending love of his wife who had passed 6 years ago.  I needed someone to talk about my own loss too. Even if it was a stranger.

Sometimes talking to a complete stranger about your life can be very helpful. They are an outsider and someone who isn’t going to point their fingers at you. They are someone who listens to listen, and not necessarily to reply. I really enjoyed talking to Archie that day and it may me realize that strangers can be just as helpful as a close friend would.

With that being said I encourage you to talk to a stranger . Ask them how they are doing, and intend to listen for a reply. I’ve had so many instances where I ask people how they are; and they say good and you? Then just proceed to walk away. What’s the point of asking if you are even going to care to listen? Maybe it’s just a pet peeve of mine.

So go on now. Greet someone with kindness  and an open heart  today. Good Luck!