Cambodia

I left Thailand to come volunteer and teach English in Cambodia. Only this time I am not teaching at a public or private school. I am teaching in an orphanage called Aspire Orphanage. It is ran by a man named Sean and his wife. The orphanage has been open since 2006, and they have made a lot of progress in the last ten years.

Coming to Cambodia on my own was exciting. I took the train from Thailand and it had some very nice views. It was my first train ride so that was a nice experience in itself as well.

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I made my way across the border ….they only tried to scam me a couple of times.. Don’t pay extra at the border! They will try to get extra out of foreigners. I had read about this before going so I didn’t fall for it.

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I was mentally prepared to sleep under a mosquito net or in a shack looking place, but actually the place exceeded all of my expectations. We have a padded mat on the ground with an air-conditioned room, a kitchen, washer, and wi-fi (sometimes) .  At times we lost power for the day so we had to make due. As you can imagine it got pretty hot.

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This is where the volunteers stay.

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It was nice being in a room with other volunteers. You can to talk and meet new people from all over the world. DSC_0675DSC_0676

With donations from visitors and volunteers they now have a watering system for a garden, a new school for the children, beds for the children, and a new dorm in the process of being built. When complete it will have 8 rooms with two bunk bed sets in each. This will be room for all the children to have a bed and room of their own.

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The start of a seedling. DSC_0054

This is where they catch their fish for dinner.

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These are the boys beds.

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This is the progress of the new dorm that is being built.

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This is the stage where the kids perform their traditional dances for visitors when they come. On that same stage behind the sign is where a family of five sleep on one mattress.

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After the students perform the volunteers usually bring small gifts for them. This time they got bubbles and were very excited!

This next room I want you to envision standing in the middle and rotating to each wall and taking a photo. This is where the girls sleep.

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The ladies at the orphanage make clothing to sell.DSC_1395

This is where some minimal cooking was done if needed.

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The building to the left is the outside of the girls room and to the right is the kitchen where the kids meals are prepared.

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They cook over an open fire so it gets very smoky inside.

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These are the bathrooms and showers for the adults and children of the orphanage.

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This is the new school that was built.

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These are the classrooms. We hung some of their photos they made, but I would like to see it more colorful in the future.

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The kids that live at the orphanage come from all over. Some have parents and some do not . Some have already over came a great deal of obstacles, but somehow still thrive on the love of volunteers and others around them. I am glad I had the opportunity to come to Cambodia to volunteer and get to meet these lovely children.

While I was there some of the volunteers did a going away party for the kids. We made pancakes for all the kids the first night and the second night they made fried rice with chicken and vegetables for over 100 people. They also bought each child at the orphanage a new outfit to wear and wrapped them for the kids. During the day and into the evening they had a dance party and had their makeup done. Then they were treated with some pop. Needless to say they loved it and put their new clothes on right over top the old ones!

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One skillet …tons of pancakes… challenge accepted…

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We improvised with peanut butter and jelly haha.

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So happy !

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Teacher me…me..me….
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Everyone will get some, don’t worry !

 

 

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Shower caps were a hit…

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I have to admit upon first arriving I was a bit concerned. Once crossing the Cambodian border a tuk tuk driver asked me why I was here. I told him I was volunteering at an orphanage. His response was ” I hate to break my chest to tell you this but only 20% of orphanages in Cambodia are good places; People do it for the wrong reasons so just be careful.” This made me have a knot in my stomach, but I went with it to see how it was.

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Work Away had stated that the stay would be 5 dollars a day to volunteer. I understand the aspect of helping with the cost of things, but then I arrive and he says it’s 2.00 more dollars a day for food when it was supposed to be included in the price. I paid the two dollars, but if someone were on a tight budget for an extended period of time then it would probably be concerning. The kids had hardly any supplies in the classrooms or in general to work with so we came up with different games to play with them.

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Teaching feelings with skittles . They had never had skittles before .

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A maze to practice giving directions.. left, right..no your other right..back.. They loved it.

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Just when they thought it was easy … we threw in some eggs .. haha!

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I also wanted things to hang around the classroom to add color so we started putting their activities and drawings up on the walls. A few volunteers went together and bought pencils, coloring books, stickers,posters, pencils sharpeners , colored pencils, sticky tak, balloons, scissors, glue sticks,  paint, and multi colored paper. All of these things were a little over 40 dollars. Hands on materials are essential for the classroom and learning. They will improve their motor skills, vocabulary , and learn how to take responsibility for their supplies.

 

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John and Bexs  prepared the paint and showed them an example.

 

The younger kids did colors and we worked on finger painting a rainbow.

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The older kids were working on the weather and painted a scene on their choice. As we gave them the paint we realized they had never painted before. As one would expect total Chaos it was actually the complete opposite. The class was quiet and they slowly chose which colors they wanted and carefully washed each color off when they wanted a new color. It was amazing to watch and witness them do something completely new. The painting was a success.

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Even the teacher got involved =) DSC_0073

 

As time went on I tried to understand the aspects from a Cambodian point of view. Maybe it was the buildings that were more important at the time to show that they owned something. Maybe things were that way because they genuinely thought it was best for the kids at the time. When you give people money that have never had before it tends to change people and their view of things.  Although I will probably never understand what view that is, the overall value and reasoning for the place are the children themselves; and they along with the classroom aspect should come first.

The garden is great for self-sufficiency . The fruit trees will help as well. But those things won’t appear over night. Things in Cambodia are still developing as a country itself let alone trying to build up a huge orphanage. From my point of view the investment is in the kids. If you invest in them and help them learn you are automatically improving their quality of life.

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The kids are fed three meals a day they have somewhere to sleep. Their circumstances are better than some. It helps with volunteers being there to give love and affection. The kids love to be around the volunteers and try whatever they are trying. (Sometimes they will ask to play on your computer or phone… okay all the time haha)  In time hopefully the dorm will be built and they will have their own bed and a room to share. I look forward to seeing the progress and changes in the future.

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What do you do when you get some chicken feet soup??

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Like I said before I am very glad that I had the opportunity to volunteer at this orphanage. The people in Cambodia have faced  a lot of hardship but they are kind and always smiling. I hope to come back in the future at some point to visit the orphanage.

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I found this graffiti in a bathroom stall. Just a daily reminder of how much  privileged we are.

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As I prepare to leave Cambodia I feel very emotional.  I once didn’t have much and I can remember sometimes we didn’t have electric or internet or another bill was shut off. My grandma would always say “I’m robbing peter to pay Paul” It wasn’t until I was older that I knew what that really meant. She did everything she could to manage but sometimes it just wasn’t enough money. Even though the bills would pile up and some of the necessities would be shut off we always had games, t.v., coloring books, and movies. I think those tangible things made up for not having other things. It fills a void that one has. It’s something that isn’t taken away at the time, and for that time even if it’s for a little while you feel happy. So I feel sad that they don’t have their “own” things. I feel bad that they always see new people and have to say goodbye. Goodbyes are hard for a young child who doesn’t understand.

For these kids they don’t have much to play with they enjoy the company of each other and make kite figures out of sticks and left over material from the clothing that is sewn.

I want to see those kids have a bright future. I want them to be able to go out of the orphanage to experience things. I want them to have a lot of things that they have never had before. It saddens me that some may never have those “things” that make childhood so memorable. So in efforts to help a little I would like to send books to them, because they have no picture books or starter books. As children we all like things we can see and touch. Books in general are a great way to learn and see new things. After all if we can’t go places at least we can pretend through books and reading. It gives hope. If your ever in Cambodia and get the chance; stop out and volunteer and teach with the kids. They will appreciate any amount of time you give them.

If you have any questions about donating things to the kids please contact the following Sean Samnang or visit the website

http://www.aspirecambodia-edu.org

Samnang@aspirecambodia-edu.org

If you would like to send any donations to the kids I will list some things they always need.

  • pencils
  • crayons, markers, colored pencils
  • beginner books, picture books
  • posters for the class
  • Coloring sheets / coloring books/ Printing is limited
  • Hygiene products- toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant,
  • stickers ( They are gold to kids)
  • small rewards
  • small craft supplies ( pipe liners, pom poms, glue, )
  • Cut outs
  • clothes of various sizes
  • Jump ropes
  • Balls

The address is

National Road 6, Group 4, Trang Village, Kandek Commune, Prasat Bakong District, Siem Reap Province, Cambodia.

Thank You for reading and sharing my blog !

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Just Relax

 

While in Thailand I had the chance to visit this absolutely beautiful island called Koh Lipe. I have never seen anywhere like it in my life. The purest of white sand, clear blue water, and the most relaxing vibes.  This is an island I would definitely suggest visiting if you ever get the chance. I had a hard time leaving!

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Simple Things

I wish adults were as easy to satisfy as a child.

Why do we lose simple gratification the older we get?

I miss the days where a stick of 25 cent gum made my day.

Stickers meant you were the class star.

Pencils were a reward for being a good student.

And a tasty treat could turn a  frown upside down. =)

Those were the days….the days we all wish away too soon …..

 

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Monkeys And A Dog

I went to Monkey Mountain near Bang Sean Beach in Thailand… I never realized how many things a monkey would eat…. or drink…it was a  great chance for some priceless photos.

 

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Smile for the camera!
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Eating strawberries
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Peek A Boo!
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Some plastic anyone?
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Everything is better with a Coke.
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Trying to act shy.
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Just a sunset and a monkey.
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Don’t get near my baby.
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Still on the nipple!
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This pup was running around with the monkeys eating and stealing their food.

 

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Up to no good…
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How many licks does it take?

Destruction

I recently went to Ayutthaya Thailand on a whim. I didn’t know what all was there but I had heard about the old ruins. I figured this would be a great place to get some good photos.

So off I went with my friend Valerie. We found out the van to get out of my town was going to be a two hour wait. So instead of waiting we hopped on the bus to take us to the next town. From there we took another bus to Bangkok.  After arriving in Bangkok we took a taxi. The whole way there our taxi driver annoyingly honked the horn. I had never seen anything like it. It’s one thing to honk your horn, but he just pushed the limits. He would honk even when there was no one around!

It took us 2 and a half hours to get there…imagine hearing a honking horn for two and a half hours and theres nothing you can do about it…

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We finally arrived around 8:00 p.m.

That night we went out with several teachers that were meeting up. It was a good time. Even went to a club and compared to my town that was a new form of culture shock. Haha

The next day we got a tuk tuk for 500 baht ( around $15.00) and he took us to all the old ruins around Ayutthaya.

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The tour was from 12 to around 4 o’ clock and we saw many types of temples.  At the time I wasn’t sure what I was looking at but knew I had some great photos. There wasn’t much to see at a couple and they just had a feeling of emptiness. I really wondered what happened back in the day. After arriving home and looking up the past I realized that there was a huge massacre and the Burmese attacked and destroyed everything.

When I was walking I still felt the emptiness. It’s amazing how these feelings can still reside decades later.

Here is what I saw.

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Toss a coin for good luck!
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wishing well
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After  the Burmese destroyed this temple the head from a Buddha statue was left and eventually  intertwined in the trees roots. There is a hint of a smile on his face. This is presented as a sign of hope. A very beautiful shot.

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Whats left from the Burma destruction.
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Val and I
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Largest reclining Buddha
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Beauty sleep.

 

 

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These two pictures show the before and after. What is left standing from the Burmese attack. Monks gathered to find the remains of the shattered bodies. The  remains still have an impact of the massacre that occurred hundreds of years ago. It was really eye opening to see the pride that the people have for the old and the new.

These photos remind me of the role destruction plays in our life. Whether it’s self destruction or destruction from others you can move on and overcome it. It’s amazing how pictures and history can put life into perspective a little more than before.

I don’t know about you, but I can think of many days that I’ve wasted stressing over things that I couldn’t even change. All I know is that I lost many moments of happiness during those times. Our minds become warped and overwhelmed at times but we just have to try and focus on other things, otherwise we will just drown ourselves and those around us in misery.

Your going to get hurt and those moments of hurt will always have a place in your heart, but like these photos show you can create something better and view life with a different point of view.

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I am thankful I had the chance to go to visit Ayutthaya and explore all of its beauty. If you ever have a chance to visit it’s well worth the trip.

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That’s all folk’s

An Ants World

I have recently  found a new hatred towards ants considering I can’t manage to get rid of them in my apartment. I spent the night with one of my Thai co workers, and took my camera to shoot some photos in a new environment.

She showed me around her house and showed me how to cook some Thai food. We were picking some of the ingredients from her back yard and she pointed out what happened to be a large ant pile.. and said “look take photo it’s an ants world.”

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The photo I captured.

I began to watch the ants scurry and drag little pieces of crumbs or dirt back to the nest. It brought back memories from the movie Honey I Shrunk the Kids… You know back in the good ole’ 90’s

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At that moment I started to have some sympathy towards the ants and wondered how the world is perceived from an ants point of view.

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Literally 2 minutes later I am standing in the front yard and feel stinging on my feet…. it was the damn ants and they had began to bite my feet and up my legs! Apparently they had no sympathy for me.

An ants world.

Get Lost

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Do you ever feel like you just want to get lost for a little while? A few hours, a few days, weeks, or months? I feel that way when I am overwhelmed with things. By things I mean work, people, and life choices. I’m sure we all have a tendency to feel that way at times.

Life has a way of making people feel like they are never good enough. Life itself can be full of obstacles along the way and then you add social media to the mix. This is like mixing Mentos and Cola. The carbonation and sugar mix eventually lead to combustion. Not saying we are like Mentos and Cola .. or maybe you are round and full of a lot of gas haha.. but yeah we have all these choices to make in life and sometimes they could and do make people explode.

It wasn’t till recently ( about 6 or so weeks ago) that I decided to take a hiatus from Facebook.

You see, I have been placed in this very small town to teach English in Thailand. I was gave a list of what was here before I arrived. The list included the following; things to do, the different modes of transportation to get around, the dress code of the school, what shops were in the town, and if there were any westerners.

Now I don’t know if this list was updated a while ago or someone just made up the information because several things were not accurate. Therefore making me feel mislead.

Their list

Things to do-go to the beach (30 min)  or Bangkok ( far 1 hour )

Transportation- bus, songthaew, van

Dress Code-Business

Shops-Big C, Tesco

Westerners- Some

My List

Things to do- The beach – 1.5 hours with public transportation or longer depending on traffic, Bangkok – 2 hours or more depending on traffic and the vans stop running from my town around 5:30-6:00 p.m. After that you must get the bus into the next town; which is a hour away and then get on a van or another bus for another hour or more to get to Bangkok so it’s a timely process . Now that can be a day trip if need be but it is a pain and I hate spending half the time riding back and forth in mini vans that aren’t exactly the safest.

Transportation- Vans that stop running around 6 p.m. in the evening and busses that stop running back from my school at 6:30. There is no reliable bus schedule- I spent 40 minutes waiting for the bus after school one day… It never came and one of the teachers was nice enough to give me a ride home thankfully. There are no Songthaews which are trucks with seats placed in the back for people to ride in. Not the safest but if they were here they would be another option.

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I got REALLY lucky and was able to make friends with the motorcycle taxi fellows. One of them was nice enough (and trustworthy ..considering I had never drove one before haha) to rent me his extra scooter until I leave for about 15.00 dollars a month. Others people easily pay 60 or more monthly to rent scooters. I mainly take it to work and back because it is too dangerous on the freeway….Okay once I drove on the freeway because I wanted to get to the beach faster…. probably won’t be doing that again..

 

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Dress Code- Business *** strictly business*** I was backpacking for three weeks before I came here and I did prepare some dress clothes to get me started but they were not what the school expected to see. They want skirts or dresses past your knees and button up dress shirts and shirts with collars. The Thai people have a way with being brutally honest at times…  they tell me on a daily that I look like a boy in these phrases.

 

1.) “Look like a boy teacher not beautiful.”

2.)” Don’t cut hair teacher look better long hair.”

3.) “You cut hair no good.” You no cut hair good.”

I realize I look like a boy and I am now going through the awkward in between mullet stage but come on now !

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When you tell them ..JUST A TRIM … AND THEY BUTCHER IT….

 

Dressing became dreadful and I love to wear different styles of clothes. Just not when its 99 degrees and you have to wear something to cover pretty much every inch. On top of that I am apparently an XL here and it’s frustrating to find things that fit properly. I was told they were small but we are talking a whole other shape here.. I have had the hardest time with clothes and figuring out what exactly is proper business style… It’s been a rough adjustment. Fortunately a couple teachers at school have gave me some proper things to wear.

Shops- There is a Big C and Tesco which are both grocery stores and Tesco is like a Walmart with a little bit of everything. Other than that you have to take the bus into Chonburi City Center and there is a mall there with anything you could want. But since the busses stop running and I don’t finish work till 4:30 that is out of the question until the weekend if needed. Unless of course I go with a friend that has a car.

Westerners- I have yet to see a westerner in my town, and I walk around my town a lot and go to different places to try. With that being said you can imagine the looks that I get.. I am literally an alien… although they like to call me dark skin because I am tan like them!

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Back to Facebook….

 

So I found myself with a lot of free time like you would imagine being in a town with no one to speak with…. I was always getting on Facebook … Now while I don’t post much I do put pictures of my experiences and I like to message and see how people are doing. It was becoming more noticeable how easily annoyed I was getting with the ignorance that is posted. Looking at others peoples placements just pissed me off and always made me compare my little town to their experiences.

I realize half the shit that is posted is made to look better than what it really is, but It was hard not find myself always wanting to leave or go somewhere every weekend. I kept telling myself that if I was closer to Bangkok I would have been able to celebrate Thanksgiving dinner with my friends, but instead I couldn’t make it because I would have no way back home. So I ate rice and some spicy soup for dinner. I got sad at Christmas because it’s not celebrated here, and I had to work Christmas Eve and Day for the first time ever. We did a quick ceremony at my school but that’s like me presenting a show about Buddhism to you, it really wouldn’t make much sense. It’s really hard living abroad and yes I know some of you are thinking ( well you made that choice)(insert me rolling me eyes here) I hear that all the time. Yes, I made the choice in hope to have support over time.

This happens to a lot of us. We are are constantly comparing our daily contacts and their experiences to ourselves; let alone adding this virtual world with a thousand of friends that are more than likely not even your friends in the first place! So I told myself that I was going to get off of it and focus on myself and what I want out of my time here. I don’t miss it for what it is; I miss it for having something to do when I am bored.

The people that want to get ahold of you will find a way to get ahold of you… it isn’t as hard as you would imagine it to be believe it or not.

1.Email- Lbrown@westliberty.edu

2. If you have an iPhone and I am in your contacts  you can easily contact me through iMessage

3. Through one of the other social media sites such as; KakaoTalk, WhatsApp, Line or Skype.

4. Snail mail… yeah I am old fashioned like that

So to keep myself busy I have read books, worked on blogs, researched places to travel, set up places to volunteer, hung out with some locals,and exercised. I recently ran a mini Marathon with over 2 thousand people it was fun and something new to try. I have been tutoring this family and had to opportunity to hang out with them several times and experience how they live their daily life. I’ve became more tolerant of trying new foods. I’ve grown in more ways than I can list honestly.

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Squid –Taste better than it looks

I never realized how truly obsessed people are with Facebook let alone their phones until I stopped getting on mine as often. It’s nearly impossible to engage in a conversation without someone having their face glued to it. For Example… IMG_2862

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This was painted by one of the students

Honestly it’s been less stressful in someways . Yeah, I like seeing what is going on in other peoples lives but it’s not as important as figuring out my own shit right now. I don’t want to live and constantly compare myself to what others have. There’s no need to post what plans are made each day. You don’t need to know my every move.If that’s the case no one will ever be satisfied with what they have or where they are. You will always be a hungry group of vultures that are insatiable, while some feed off of the failures of others. It’s sad, but the world can honestly be so cruel at times.

I feel happier in my town now that I have cut the use of Facebook. It’s honestly helped me adjust and and appreciate those around me more. Yeah things annoy me here and there, but I do feel like I have learned to accept things for the way they are and just go with the flow a little more Thai style.

I found myself comparing Thailand to Korea and other places I have been, but at that point you just  have to face that this a country that is still developing and get over it. You can’t go through life comparing everything to what you used to have. You will stay in a stagnant state of mind and never process into something better. After all I guess I should have done a little more research . I would have if I cared that much. I guess it’s one way to get the “full immersion”

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Pai and I

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My coworkers

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Pais birthday

 

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Tutoring Pai and playing shop

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Pais birthday

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Trip to a chaotic night market

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3D Art Museum

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Making the most of Christmas time DSC_0147

They look impressed with my dance moves .. haha

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Pat’s little sister Pun

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My friend Poy

It’s one thing to be relaxed, but in Thailand relaxing is on a whole other level.. You don’t get told things ..well..until they are actually happening… the students will know before you, You have to be flexible with your lesson plans because more times than not the classes will always miss and be on different levels.. Like I said it’s been a lot to take in and adjust to , but I just have to take it day by day.

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Pai

 

I’ve had time to think about more goals I want to complete, and clear my head. Don’t get me wrong some days have been a struggle, but the good days can outweigh those days.

I realized that even though I am making very little money the style of living is pretty simple. They don’t indulge on the newest technology, they don’t always go places on the weekend; they enjoy the time they have with each and enjoy eating and sharing food. This time in my life has been a slower pace, but slower can be good in a lot of ways.

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My students have high goals. They must test to get into the boarding school and then throughout the schooling they must test to keep their seat because there are only so many students allowed. If in that time frame they fail their exams they must leave the school and find another. The risks are high because as long as they enter the school their tuition is free for their parents. It’s sad to see the ones who have to leave, but I guess that is a chance you take when you enter the school to begin with.

Most students in the school want to be doctors or scientist. They value having pride for their country and hope that others do too. I always ask them if they want to stay in their country or go be a doctor elsewhere, because they easily could. Doctors are needed everywhere. Even though I tell them that doctors are in the highest paying fields in America, 99% of the time they say they would choose to stay in Thailand. They are proud of their country and hope to help it develop. I really admire them for such commitment and devotion to help others if they are able. I have learned just as much from them as I have taught them . I will forever be grateful for having them feel comfortable enough to share their lives with me.

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1960’s dance theme

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When you hear Justin Bieber come on…

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Happy Day

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Happy Day

With that being said get off your damn phone!… haha just joking ….kinda…. ok not really. .

I highly encourage cutting some social media out of your life and technology in general. There’s no need to constantly check to see what others are doing. There’s no need for you to feel like you have to report what you are doing. Enjoy the time with the people around you. Ask how people are doing. I promise it won’t kill you.

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Shame

It’s often the moments of shame that make us who we are, but yet it’s those parts that we tend keep bottled up inside.

We don’t share because we are mortified  of doing the walk of shame,                 ( physically and mentally)  we are embarrassed of the outcome whether its sleeping with a one nighter,tripping and falling on our face in plain day, or getting drunk and making an ass of yourself.

Yeah it’s those times we look around and hope no one is watching. But it’s “those times” that give us the most character. You can pretend it didn’t happen as much as you want; but you know there’s always a little reminder in the back of your head saying “I know what you did” ….”Last summer” … haha okay maybe not that far but regardless it’s there somewhere in the back of your mind.

One stands out in particular to me. I arrived in Thailand and everyone was going out for the meet and greet. We finally made it there and had a few drinks, ate some food, and started to make our separate ways.

One group proposed that we go to a “ping pong show” I listened while everyone debated on what they were doing. I had heard about these type of shows before from my fellow travel buddies, but never thought I would be in the predicament to make a choice of going to one. I debated on it and while some of the people chose not to, the naive me chose to go….to get the experience….you know how that goes…

So we walked in and they tell us it’s 175 baht per person, and that came with one beer. 175 baht is equivalent to about 7 U.S. dollars. So we walk in and they line us all up in the seats right next to the stage. We sit down and the girls come out with nothing but a thong and heels on…right in front of our  face. I felt really uncomfortable so I chose to move the farthest back that I could get …. and the show hadn’t even started at that point! I suppose I should have left then.

The ladies walk off stage  and another set walks on..they have on hula lays around their waste, head, and ankles. They start to play this 90’s music and dance like stiff dolls. I thought the dancing was going to be different, but it didn’t get much different. I could see the look on their face and it wasn’t one of amusement. It looked more like day dreaming. Then all of a sudden they put their leg up on the pole and start pulling these lay flowers out of their Vagina.. a million thoughts began to run through my head as my mouth was gaped open and my eyes were 2x bigger than what they already are! I seriously was thinking “How is that even possible?” “Who put it up there?” “When are they going to run out of flowers?” … it ended and I was sitting there really confused.

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The next group of girls came out and they threw balloons all over the stage  I sat wondering “What could they possibly be doing now… Then they started dancing like stiff dolls again.. before you knew it their legs went up   again and they started pulling needles on a string out of their vagina this time!  Then they let the men around the bar pull them out and pop the balloons. The looks on the girls faces was painful.. I can’t ever imagine what that would feel like ..nor do I want to..As if I wasn’t flabbergasted already ….

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I sat there bewildered wondering what could possibly happen next… They come out with buckets of soap and started doing their weird stiff swaying back and forth again. The lights went dim ..they started to lay down to put the soap on themselves and each other. Then they proceeded to grind on each other.

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^^ —see patrick …that was me…

The next set of girls come out and they are just naked without any props.  They start dancing and the song I want to stand with you on the mountain comes on….They slowly make their way to the floor and begin to lick each other out and look miserable…

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At this point I couldn’t help but to feel bad for the girls. We paid 7 dollars to get into this place for “the experience” and it’s a choice that I can say I feel ashamed of. Not only did the girls look like they were in pain, sad , and numb the whole time. I observed them take shot after shot. I watched men buy them drinks and grope them. I watched them leave the stage and not come back out. Where they went is a mystery to me, but that was beyond the point of what was happening.

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This was my first experience with any thing like this. I did it “because everyone else was doing it and I wanted to see what all the hype was all about.” I heard my grandmas voice in the back of my head “oh now if they jumped off a bridge would you do it too?” Should have listened … should have listened…

I guess hindsight is always 20/20 isn’t it? Lessons like these you unfortunately have to learn the hard way sometimes, but I feel that these lessons of shame should be shared more often.  They are the lessons that shape and mold us to be better individuals and make better choices in our future. Not only did I learn from a choice I made; but I hope that my lesson or regret reaches someone else to help make the right choice at the right time.

I haven’t been able to get the thoughts out of my head. I can’t help to think about how sad they look, how young they looked, and how they even got into that kind of business.

So I wrote a poem to try and describe it.

Dead Souls, Dead Flowers

Dance, dance until your lost

Blocking out all the sound

Trying not to let my head fall to the ground

Trying to impress by showing my breast

Letting everything show to strangers I do not know

hoping for a good night and not to get in a fight

Men paying me to sit by them

While they touch me and try not to offend

I come on stage and dance around

Counting the hours down

Take a  shot to feel at home

When really I want to groan

The pain is real it’s what I feel

I’m put on stage to impress

But really it’s a lot of stress

Feeling elude and not in  the mood

I try to stay calm and not be rude

Feeling dead inside my head

I stand in these heels day dreaming of better days

My soul is dazed

 I feel like a dead flower in the haze.  

Dead Souls, Dead Flowers 

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I read a book called The Defining Decade – Why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them now by MEG JAY I would highly suggest this book to those in their twenties and thirties! Here is a quote from the book.

“Everyone learns things the hard way at some point or another , and our brains take pictures so the learning stays with us. This is the basis for the saying ” That’s a lesson you will never forget.” It is jarring-but efficient and often necessary-way to go.”

Thank You for reading and sharing my blog. I hope my lessons help along the way.