These last two going on three months have been the worst here lately. I’m sure you can feel my frustration through the following vent session.

November 8th I went to work and I was reviewing CPR skills with my sophomore health classes. I bent down to put the dummy back in the bag and felt my chest collapse. It was a suffocation feeling that’s only been familiar with past panic attacks, only it did not go away after sitting down for a while. I went to my school nurse as fast as possible. She called my husband to get me to the emergency room. After evaluation in the emergency room they revealed that my lung had collapsed and they were transporting me by ambulance to the next closest hospital for monitoring.

I missed two weeks of work and could barely move. I slept in a recliner because I felt like I was suffocating laying down.

My husband took the brunt of the work with our one and two year old.

A month later my 20% lung collapse resolved itself thankfully, I met with a pulmonologist and he said there’s a 15% chance of it happening again. It was a spontaneous collapse and they don’t know why it happened but it was rare.

If this can happen randomly to someone that’s never smoked I fear for those who choose to put harmful substances in their bodies.

Dec 11th I had a planned surgery for my foot.

Last summer my toes started going numb in my shoes. I thought it was the shoes, but regardless of the shoes I tried it still persisted. I went to a podiatrist and found out I had a plantar tear. It had been caused from a bad bunion on my big toe which caused the weight of my foot to shift to the middle toes causing the plantar plate to rip.

So I go in for surgery the 11th get prepped. The whole prepping process felt rushed, but I realize everyone is on a time schedule. It was an outpatient surgery.

The anesthesiologist came in and asked if I wanted a nerve block said it would reduce pain for the first 3 days. I went ahead with it thinking it would help with me going home to my 1 and 2 year old sons. As he administers the nerve block he says “I don’t even get paid any extra for administering these.” He came across as nice, but arrogant. before going back I had asked if I was going to have a cast on. The Dr. said he wasn’t sure. I told him I wore leggings not thinking. He said that’s okay, if anything you can wear home surgical pants.

I wake up and I can feel everything. It was immense pain and In a cast up to my knee!!! I hear a nurse saying “this is ridiculous it’s 4:30 and she is just sleeping over there.” I’m sure they were ready to go after all this was an outpatient surgery but who says that as a nurse caring for a patient.

The nerve block did not work or it wore off… I told the nurse I was in such pain and she called him back to do another nerve block. He comes back and says “ I’m very good at my job, but something isn’t right.” (DUH) he proceeds to do another one.

I had not eaten since 7 the night before and I always get so sick after having anesthesia. The nurse gave me a ginger ale and 2 crackers and told me to try and eat them as they give me another hydrocodone. It made me dry heave.

I get up to make it off the bed and get dressed the previous nurse that was complaining jerks my sock on and rushed to get me dressed. When I told them I needed pants they said “we don’t have pants here, you’ll have to go home in your gown and underwear.

So that is what they did put my underwear on, my hoodie, and threw my gown on over it . It was 17 degrees and snowing !! No offer to use the bathroom – my surgery was at 11.

They got me off the bed and the incision started bleeding from my toes. They asked me if I started my period on the floor. I said no. They proceeded to stuff gauze between my toes and told me to remove it when I got home. Due to this I had to go back to the local hospital 3 days later and get it all cleaned out.

The nurse that wheeled me out just seemed cold. She didn’t offer to help me get in the car told me to prop my foot up and when I told I couldn’t she shoved my hospital bag under my foot.

This has been a way longer recovery than I ever anticipated and very difficult to navigate life with one leg and two toddlers with my husband doing to brunt of the work. This is a true test to “In sickness and in health” during these times.

Dec 26th I got my cast off and put in a walking boot. The bottom of my foot was not healed but they removed the stitches and put steri strips on it.

The nurse told me to wait three days and take the strips off then I could shower. So did that . I got out of the shower and my foot ripped back open. 😭

I just feel so over it at this point and defeated. What pisses me off is when people know you’re struggling and do nothing. I have very limited help so the porch drop offs, the help with the kids, the house, the laundry or anything else is greatly appreciated by all those whom helped through this very long process of healing.

It seems like things just keep happening to me here lately and I don’t know what the universe is trying to tell me. Maybe I need to slow down, maybe I need to stop and breathe, maybe I need to reflect. I’m not sure. I’m trying not to succumb to all the negative things that have happened to me but it is very difficult.