Tag Archives: work

Generational Curses

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While scrolling through Pinterest, I randomly came across this quote. Honestly I couldn’t agree more with it. Being the first to graduate high school in my family, the first to go to college, the first to travel abroad. It’s not only education that makes an impact on your life. In fact it’s everything around it as well. The little things that people don’t think about. For instance driving, getting a car, and going out to eat. When I first started going out to eat the only thing I could order were chicken tenders. As much as I love chicken tenders this order was out of fear. Fear of not knowing if I’d like something else(food envy is real). Fear of ordering something and regretting it. It was fear of pricing, and just not knowing any different. Overall the inability to order in general.
Since traveling my taste buds have expanded tremendously. I also love to cook different foods( I usually photograph these in my food porn section.)

This quote resonates with me for more reasons than one. The access to transportation is a huge one. I can remember my grandma paying people to take her places. When our vehicles were broke down it was a never ending cycle of trying to get someone to take us to the grocery store, or to the doctors. When I finally got a vehicle in college I drained my savings account (all 1,500) to buy a Dodge Ram 1500 I found in the newspaper. Until I found a vehicle I paid my  college roommate gas money to take me to the orthodontist, to go to the store, and to drop me off where her mother worked to carpool to get a ride back home. Are these things a freshman in college should have to worry about? No, but I did. Generational curses  are real, and generational poverty is one of them. My family had endured it for decades. While I worked multiple jobs my whole life to try and keep my head above water(until now). I do feel like I myself have broke one chain of the generational curses, but the endured trauma will probably always be with me. Do you ever wonder why you do the things you do or why you act the way you act? I do. The more I’ve read into articles on trauma, and the brain the more I realize many of the things I do have resulted directly from some form of trauma. Granted I have had a lot of counseling! The best thing a counselor has ever said to be is “Do you not think you’re worthy? Worthy of someone helping you? Worthy of someone loving you? Worthy of allowing someone else in? From that moment on something clicked differently. I told myself I would let people help me, I would say yes instead of no. I would handle things differently. I would let the word love be welcomed freely. Even though some of my family have told me directly “you think you’re better than us.” Or “You think your way is always right.” Maybe I am? Not so much in the sense of worth, but in the mindset. The mindset of not letting anything hold me back, for wanting more than I’ve ever had for myself , and my siblings. I am better for making myself better. I’m better for taking opportunities for multiple jobs. I’m better for working till 1 am and getting up for class at 7 am. I’m better for sacrificing the average college experience to earn money to be able to get further in life. I missed out on all the spring breaks, and short holidays. It’s okay though, because I’ve came out better. Better for myself and others. Who cares if people talk shit. Let them. YOU ARE DOING GREAT THINGS. YOU ARE A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU WERE. AFTER ALL A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE JUST TALK.

Thanks for coming by to read my blog! Keep doing great things ! -Lilly

Flying High

My Crazy Life, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hello World,

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. This past year and a half has been a very busy time in my life. I went to training to become a flight attendant on September 11, 2017. I had came home from traveling and really missed traveling, but I didn’t want to be so far away from home for years at a time. I had missed out on weddings, babies, birthdays, and anything in between. So I thought what can I do where I can still travel, make money, and be home. That’s when being a flight attendant popped in my head.

Do you ever fantasize about jobs and you think it will be your dream job then you get into it and you think ” Shit …. this isn’t what I signed up for.” I had thought that many times when I went to training to be a flight attendant. It was very hard and stressful. The challenges were demanding and it broke me several times. You had to score 90% or higher on every exam and you only get two retakes… I failed test 1 and test 4 …. this is when my first breakdown happened. You never know how bad you want something until you have to fight for it. Well this fight was one I wasn’t going to let beat me. We had emergency drills, test, quizzes, 14 hour days where we didn’t finish till midnight and had to be up early the next day. If you fell asleep in class you were kicked out. This was to get you used to those long days in the future I suppose. My class started with 60 some people and we graduated with 32. The struggle was REAL!! We had made it…. I really don’t think I would have made it without my friends and my roommate !

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Then reality sets in and your like damn no one told me this or that.. how do I bid to make my schedule? I have to go sit “Hot” at the airport for 8-10 hours and only be paid half of the time.. I may get called out and I may not…Your shifts can range from 3 am to 3 pm , 7 am to 7 pm , or 10 am to 10 pm. I have the mentality of getting started early and get done early so I always chose to have the 3-3 shift. So that means when they call me at 3 I have 2 hours to be at the airport. I live an hour and a half away from the airport so I had 10-15 minutes to get up and get ready and out the door to make it there on time. Did I look glamorous? Probably not… was I on time ? You bet your ass I was. I have never been one for being late to work or being absent. One of my previous bosses told me being late is never attractive to an employer.  Being on time is late, late is late, early is on time.

Social Life

It took me 9 months before I ever worked with the same person again. The social aspects for this job are hard because you work with different people all the time. Some of them have been with the company for 20 years while others are brand new. I found that the people who have been with the company for a long time will just go to their hotel rooms and shut the door.   “I’ve seen it all before” ** insert my eyes rolling ** and the new people will want to go out and explore wherever you may be staying overnight. Fortunately I have been to a few long overnights and was able to get out and explore whether it be on my own or with someone new. Why wouldn’t you? One of my favorites was in New Orleans. Shoutout to Stephanie for wanting to go explore with me ! I was also able to swing by and check out Stephen Kings house in Bangor, Maine.

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Obsessed with the sky

I have found that I am that person on the plane that wants to sit next to the window on most flights. Especially when there is a good sunrise or sunset. If you say “They are all the same.” Shame on you! They are not and I have the proof!! It’s seriously become my favorite things on flights! I have way more pictures of the sky but I don’t want it to look like I’m not working hahahhaha!

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The Pay 

I work for a regional airline so the pay starts at $17.49 and you work your way up but it takes 15 years to get to $35.00 an hour and that’s what some main line workers start at! So I went part time so I could pick up substitute teaching jobs, I work at a country club serving in the evenings, and I help this local company can hot pepper mustard and other canned goods.  I did my taxes and to my disappointment I only made 23,800 for the whole year ! WORKING 4 JOBS!! No one should have to work 4 jobs to make that little of money. So I have recently made the choice to quit flying and start subbing more often. I feel very sad because it is a job that I really do enjoy. The wages just aren’t merely enough to survive. I not only want to survive I want to thrive in my job. I want to feel like I am working toward a better future. I want to have a better quality of life and on those wages I just can’t do that. I mean who doesn’t want to grow into something better ? If you say you don’t then you should probably dig a little deeper to find out why not.

Benefits

Don’t get me wrong the benefits are great IF YOU HAVE THE MONEY AND TIME TO USE THEM.  You fly for free and by free I mean standby. Standby isn’t a bad thing if you aren’t trying to commute for work, you travel in the down season, and you have flexibility in your schedule. Otherwise you should just purchase a ticket… I was lucky enough to be able to use my benefits a few times to help me out over the last year or so. I went to Disney … well attempted 2 times and got stuck two times with no open seats …we ended up renting a car and driving to Orlando because I didn’t have much time off of work. Ryan and I were able to get first class going to Punta Cana. Susan and I went to Portugal recently and we scored first class on Delta One. Let me tell you if you haven’t flown first class on Delta one it’s unreal. The seats lay into a bed, you get a Tumi cosmetic bag with goodies in it. They serve So.Much.Food. I swear I didn’t eat until lunch time the next day! Unreal experience. Here are a few pictures from my trips.

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So as I sit here feeling sad for not being able to fly anymore I feel so blessed at the same time to have been able to go the places I have. Meet the people I have met and gone through the experiences I have gone through. It probably wouldn’t have happened without the benefits of being a flight attendant. I am grateful for the opportunity and I am so glad I made the choice to go to that training ! If nothing else it made me realize that I am capable of anything I put my mind to. It made me realize that I am worth more for what I put in. It made me focus on wanting a better quality of life.

You may be looking at these pictures thinking ” It looks like a great quality of life.” Well until you sit countless hours in the airport, get your flights diverted, have passengers mad at you for things out of your control, get up at 2 am and get home at 4am, deal with working first class which is like people working the stock market. There is so much going on at once. You have people boarding, someone wants you to throw away their trash, someone needs to use the bathroom, people need a drink to take a pill, people are arguing over overhead bin space… and the list goes on.  Just let me tell you that bin space is Not assigned to your seat space! Please throw away your trash before you get on the plane Especially if it’s an awkward shaped pizza box! We don’t have that much room for pizza boxes in the trash bin. Buy a drink in the airport or carry an empty water bottle through security then fill it. Please give us your trash 1 of the 20 times we walk through the aisle. We are the ones that have to pick up your things you leave behind! The next time you fly please be considerate to your flight attendants. Some of them haven’t been home in days. They may not have had time to get off the place to get something to eat throughout the day. More than likely they are probably tired!

So as of now I am putting away my wings. Maybe I’ll pick them back up in the future. We shall see. Now I am just tired physically and mentally and still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

It’s been a great ride.

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Quarter Life Crisis

My Crazy Life, , ,

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UGGHHHHH AHHHHHHH DAMNNNNNNN…. I think it’s real….. A quarter life crisis. Surely I’m not the only one having these feelings at this stage in my life. I just turned 25 years old in March and I was doing fine. I had a decent paying job, living in Korea, having fun with friends, and then BAM… out of no where they cut my job over a month early and told me four days in advance that I would have to find a different job, another place to stay, and I would no longer be one of their employees after the long weekend. For me this was not only a shock, but a slap in the face. I had nearly finished my job contract for the year. I over came many obstacles. I did everything that they had asked me to do and that is the kind of warning they gave me. So I sub for a couple of weeks at two different schools to earn some extra money; then fly home due to the death of my mom. Back to good Ol’ America home of the free..

Only I don’t really feel free. Life has a different feeling once you come back from something you had enjoyed so much. I feel trapped in a sense. Trapped not knowing what I want to do, where I want to go, and what I want to make of my life. WHY WHY WHY… Seems like things fall into to perfect form for some people.

25 is such a weird age. There are all these preconceived ideas of what life is “supposed” to be like. You settle down, buy a house, have a kid or two, and so on. Not saying that there is anything wrong with that but why do things have to be played out like that?  You are so pressured by society to have a plan to settle down.For me that just isn’t practical right now.

So people have asked me why don’t you just get a teaching job in America then? The fact is this. MOST teachers started teaching where they want to plant roots and live for at least the next 5 years. Well I still have things I want to do, places I want to see, and I am not ready to plant my roots just yet. The fact that traveling gives you such a different perspective on life makes me want to do it so much more. If I can earn a living and travel while doing it then why the hell not? I have nothing holding me back.

Seems like all through out my 20’s I keep asking myself ” What am I going to do with my life?”

I have often heard of people going through a mid-life crisis, but that is usually in your 50-60’s. They buy a new car, or move down south, or do something completely out of the ordinary. I felt fine when I was working, but when I found out I had lost my job I hadn’t really had a plan of what I wanted to do after teaching in Korea or where I wanted to go. I knew I wanted to go somewhere else in the world, get my masters degree, and teach P.E. and Health.

Then I found out I was accepted to a  grad school in Germany so that was my plan. To come home work for 6 or 7 months and then head of to Germany….I thought getting accepted to grad school was going to be the hardest part. Little did I know it would become the easiest.. Turns out there is no tuition in Germany, but you do have to pay your cost of living. The estimated cost of living is 18,000 for two years. Now to get financial aid in America for your Masters degree can be difficult.

  • You no longer get the Pell grant because that is only for your undergrad.
  • Your school must accept financial aid ( Germany doesn’t since there is no tuition)
  • You can apply for a loan through the bank
  • You must spend the money in the country if you get another type of grant.

So after ruling out all of these options and talking to several friends about different options I had a life epiphany……It’s not feasible….and most would argue that there are cheaper ways of going about getting a masters, but to me if it’s a matter of 5-6 thousand dollars and I could go to another country to study for 2 years then why wouldn’t I just do that? Maybe my dreams are too big right now, or maybe I just have to find a different route on how to achieve them. It’s all in the way you look at things.

So like I said before I’m back to the “What am I going to do with my life?” Phase. I can’t wait to figure it out and actually enjoy what I do.

What about you? Do you think a Quarter Life Crisis is real??